I have a confession to make. It’s something that most people never want to admit. It’s something that I never really wanted to admit. There comes a time, though, when you can no longer hide from the truth. You have to accept it, not matter how hard – no matter how uncomfortable it makes you. Last year I finally accepted this about myself, and I’ve decided to share it with the world – I’m overweight.
There you have it. It’s not pretty, but it’s the truth.
You may be wondering why this is such a big deal to admit. People that see me know it. Shopping for clothes proves it. Being uncomfortable in certain chairs is a reminder, so why was this a secret? Well, it was a secret because I’ve never “seen” myself as overweight.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ve been fully away for a long time that I’m not a stick figure; I’m not model material. I avoided stepping on a scale like the plague. My avoidance of the matter was so absolute that I even evaded going to the doctor because I didn’t want to hear about my weight. It was what it was, though. To me it was a non-issue. Would I prefer being able to wear cute outfits without worrying about bulges or my top riding up or my thighs rubbing together? Of course! But all of that wasn’t the focus of my days. If you asked my best friend – I’ll call her JB – she’d probably tell you that I have a hard time focusing on anything that involves me period, and she’d be right.
To say exactly what changed for me, I really can’t. One day at work, I received a phone call that set off a chain of events. I decided that day that it was time. I decided it was time for me to put forth the effort and time and energy to do something for myself. I decided that it was time to get healthy – mentally and more importantly physically.
When I began this journey, there were only a handful of people that knew. Anyone that has tried to lose weight knows that people will begin “watching you” and “analyzing” everything. That was something I didn’t need. So the only people that knew were the people that I considered my “cheerleaders”. I knew they would support my journey, knowing that there would be setbacks and wouldn’t criticize. As time went on, people started asking me because they saw the changes in me. My face was thinning, my clothes were getting bigger, and I was simply becoming different as a person.
Now most people that know me know what I’m doing. The past year truly has been a journey. There have been highs and lows. I’ve sat in parking lots and cried. And there have been days that I’ve said, “To hell with it.” Through it all, though, I’ve kept going. I haven’t always been perfect, but I’m on a track that is working, so – at the encouragement of some of my coworkers – I’ve decided to share my journey.
I’m not going to proclaim to know it all. I definitely don’t! I also know that everyone is different. What works for me may not work for someone else. My struggles may be different from yours. And I’ve always hated hearing from someone that loses weight, gets healthy, and then believes they know everything. No matter how healthy I get, I’m fully aware that I won’t know everything. I also fully believe that unless you want it… truly want it… you’re not going to succeed.
There are also certain terms that I won’t use. I’ll never say fat, obese, or diet. What I’m doing isn’t about any of those things. This is simply about getting healthy, feeling better about myself, and opening doors that have been closed. This is about keeping myself from following the same path that some of my family has gone down with heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, and probably even more things that I’m not thinking about.
I emailed JB while writing this to ask if she thought I’m losing my mind by deciding to share my journey with anyone that chooses to read it. Always one of my biggest cheerleaders, she was quick to point out that there may be people that learn from it and will be helped by my journey. At the end of the day, that’s what I hope for. I hope that anyone reading this may be encouraged and may realize that they’re not alone. In my journey I was lucky to have people around me that “get it”. Not everyone has that, and that can make you feel lonely and isolated.
Feel free to ask me questions and make comments. I promise to be as open as I possibly can and to answer anything you want to know – within reason. Well, with the exception of my weight. Sorry, that’s something I’m not going to divulge. Maybe one day I will, but for now that one is off limits.